Conditional or Unconditional Love?

Janet Attwood_Steinar Ditlefsen_Heart Power Experience_Quote2“I want for you what you want for you.”

The world known author Janet Bray Attwood has written this beautiful line. It’s a divine expression of unconditional love.

The problem is that most of us are conditioned to think about our own concerns and care for others as an expression of love. Sometimes we even believe that our worries, our bleeding hearts, and sometimes even our frustrations and anger, are the proof of our tremendous love.

The truth is it’s not. At least it’s not the unconditional love that we tend to think. We need to explore what divine unconditional love is and how we express it in our relationships.

We know the golden rule, which says: Do to others what you want done unto you.

So what do YOU want?

Isn’t the truth that we want others to understand us, understand us on a deep level, to love us as we are, to be interested in our perspectives, to see behind our mistakes, to support our wishes. To be able to see that we actually had good intentions, even when we weren’t able to make the perfect and ideal expression of our intention. Isn’t this the truth of what we want?

Or do we want others to judge us, to know better about what would be better for us? Do we want them to share their opinions about our lives without even trying to understand? Do we want them to try to change us or change our way of life?

We need to ask this for ourselves. What do I really want from others? Only then I can express the golden rule.

Our ego most often feels that it knows what is better for the other one. So we want for them what WE want for them. We rationalize our behavior by telling ourselves that we may have more experience or a better perspective. Because we believe that we know what the truth is, or we believe that we have deeper insight of a higher purpose, we sometimes also try to change the other one. We believe that’s love.

The truth is that this is conditional love. And then it’s not love at all. It’s a need. Earthly love is always conditional. And when my expectations, my wishes or even my hopes don’t happen like I want them to – then I become disappointed, worried and concerned.  So my love is not unconditional.

Our absolutely divine mandate is to be unconditional love. How can we be that? How can we express that?

Step 1:
We need to recognize that we never know what is better for others. We need to trust that their soul knows. When we start seeing the others as souls, shot out from eternity, having an earthly experience, we can trust.

We then understand that the soul has a blueprint, a divine guidance. And that the soul is here to learn it’s own lessons. Our human brain can only come up with a five sensory perspective. When we think we know the truth or God’s will (the soul’s will) for others, it is always just a perception created by our own projections.

So my dear friend: Trust. When things look bad, trust. Know that your friend, the beautiful eternal soul now has its experience in the earth school. Don’t try to change him. Just try to see, to understand, to encourage. Just be the love. No conditions. Maybe the purpose of his behavior, his trials or his experiences is to teach you some wisdom. Stay open minded.

Step 2.
We need to understand ourselves. We need to do self-inquiry. Conditional love (which is not really love) is always a symptom of lack of self-inquiry. We have to go to the very deepest and darkest places within ourselves and there we transcend the darkness with unconditional love. Then we can also hold others and everything they contain in our heart.

Step 3.
Understand that your worries, your concern and your sadness are not an expression of divine love. Compassion is.

Compassion is free from everything. Compassion is a rock. Compassion is an expression of divine love. Compassion is not swayed by worry and concern. Compassion is the space, the power that can hold everything in love.

How can I know?

So now I want the best for my relations, my friends, my children and my family. How can I know what’s right?

Is all worry and concern a bad thing? No, absolutely not. It is a beautiful part of our earthly experience, and after all we are still on earth. But your trust in a higher purpose will make you able to express unconditional love, which then will replace the (well-meant) five sensory concern and care. It will give you a perspective that goes beyond the earthly senses and you will be able to see things in a divine perspective.

We have a beautiful GPS within us that will help us to know where to go. When you want something for the other one, ask this question:

Do I feel expanded or contracted?

If you feel expanded, it is love.
If you feel contracted, it is need.

If we make an interpretation of Jesus prayer ”Yet not my will, but yours be done”, we could say instead: Yet not my will, but Love’s be done.

Ask yourself “What would Love do?”, and love will surely answer. You will know, because you will feel expanded. Let love have the final word in every decision.

What if someone I care about make a negative or destructive choice and I should prevent it?

Give them UNCONDITIONAL love. Hold them, without expectations and without demands. Trust – even when they follow a track that gives them pain. Make life easier for them. Ignite their soul power. Their soul knows – even better than you.

Maybe this process is something that their soul have signed up for, a learning lesson. When they awaken to a conscious living, they will understand the purpose and start learning through wisdom instead of pain.

What if it is about my child?

Your child may ”want” something that will give him pain. But the real child, which is the soul behind the child’s developing personality, also wants something. And that is the ‘want’ that you should want for them. You don’t know exactly what, and your child doesn’t know yet either. But have patience and know that its soul knows, and everything unfolds in the perfect order.

Actually in this perspective you can not do anything wrong, because everything you do in unconditional love is wisdom. What would love do? ‘Love’s will’ will always give you peace and harmony. Our will, will always have a level of worry and uncertainty within it.


Let’s choose love. Let’s feel our hearts expand when we live this divine secret:

I want for you what you want for you.

Love to you, my friend

– Steinar

PS. I want to invite you to join me and Janet Bray Attwood to the Heart Power Experience in Copenhagen this June.

Read all about the event here:
Heart Power Experience, June 2014
(English description coming soon)

Heart Power Experience